nerdettes.

Junior Year

2007-11-19T17:43:00.000-05:00

So what's up with literally everyone talking about college at school these days. It's actually quite irking because I don't feel like letting everyone know that I know a lot (courtesy of collegeconfidential) because that would be.. nerdy, but at the same time, I want to participate in the conversation and then I get really .. confused.

But yeah. First marking period grades are out. A+s in physics, french, english, and econ; As in bio and chem; and a B+ in us history. Yeah so that averages out to .12 less than my cumulative average. EEEEKs. I believe E will be making fun of me for this now.

Other than that.. why is Rory Gilmore absolutely perfect. Can I be her? Please?

and other than that.. the last essay for governor school is killing me.

AAAAK.

2007-11-18T19:15:00.000-05:00

So maybe, just maybe, I forgot about posting on this. Well, my presence on AIM makes up for it I guess.

So junior year so far... I think this sum it up:

+ I sleep at 3 and wake up at 4:30.
+ My grades are falling, and thus my GPA sucks.
+ I don't hang out with the JAPs or the asians anymore.
+ Lab-ing during lunch actually sucks because then you miss club meetings AND talking to your friends.
+ I spend too much time on unimportant stuff.
+ I spend too little time on important stuff.
+ I'm fat AND I stopped caring about how I dress to school.
+ AKA everyday it's sweatpants and northface.
+ Did I mention that I'm doing horrid?

Report cards come out this week. I'm pretty sure I have 1B+, 3As, 3A+s, and an unsure B+/A in biology. As in... massive GPA drop. EEKs. Time to start studying and stop.. well doing stupid stuff to pass the time. Yes, maybe that means giving up Gilmore Girls reruns and Gossip Girl. blah.

In other news, I went shopping today and got some really cute stuff from Hollister (which normally isn't my favorite brand in any way, shape, or form) and one of them's a large. Since when did I ever wear large, even at hollister! Well that was disappointing.
But this weekend, I did get a start on my governor school application. It's actually almost done (1 essay left!) and it makes me feel pretty confident, though I guess my grades kind of put me out of the running anyway. Let's hope for the best.

A Design for Life

2007-11-01T23:41:00.000-04:00

I know we're supposed to appear all intellectual and polished on our college applications, but this is about as intellectual as it gets when you're drunk on insomnia and high on the rush of making a deadline...

presenting my DAY-IN-A-LIST:
-Filled in two bubbles wrong on a test; showed it to the teacher. He actually gave me points back, even when he announced to the class that he usually doesn't give points back. Honesty is key for that teacher. But anyway, it wouldn't logically make sense, the way I filled it in. I have no idea why I filled it in like that. Grade for quarter looks like a low A+.
-Research: I suck at dilutions.
-Submited application for the contest before the 11:59:59 EST deadline, at 11:59:58! Yes, I am that good. And that masochistic.
-Still unsure about whether he likes me or not.
-Got three cookies for the worth of one during eighth period. (Didn't eat them all though)
-Candy intake: five junior mints, a mini Twix, and a pack of M&Ms. Because I've just gotta get through tonight... (ah, there's the caloric compensation)
-F=ma

Culture. As in, Cell Cultures.

2007-10-14T10:23:00.000-04:00

Okay, so the neuronal cells finished growing and I have basically spent my entire Saturday working in the lab...
During lunch, my mentor and I discussed college (of course, because what else is there to talk about when your life is miserable enough to be excited over cell cultures, anyway? Hehe)... and I guess one thing that isn't completely obvious is that Asians themselves aren't that much smarter than the general population-- it's only when you get the Asian Americans as your sample population that the statistics start to twist. That's right-- if you're Asian, and you get an 800 in Math on the SAT I, it's still only 97th percentile.
In English, we've been reading Death of a Salesman. Long story short, the lucrative American Dream is this: Work hard, hone all the talent and skillz you can, feel inwardly smug, appear superior in society. Well, with Asian Americans, I guess... in order to even get here in the first place, they had to be the top of the top back in China, with its 1.3 billion people and Cultural Revolution and grueling three-day entrance exams that people literally kill themselves over. Parents of these Asian American "geniuses" had to be smart, had to be hardworking. My mentor, my own parents, and the parents of many of my other friends was/were the only people in their entire villages to get accepted into a Chinese university. So when they end up here in America, with the genetics and the ethics and the "resources" (like wow, we actually have food here!), of course their kids are set to be those 2400, 800-800-800 applicant with no life. What happens when they fail...

By Coincidence Or By Design

2007-10-04T22:59:00.001-04:00

History is the only class I am actually enjoying right now. My teacher is sarcastic and smart-- probably the most intelligent teacher I have this year. I think he has a favorable opinion of me, although he probably also thinks that I'm really weird. He approached me in the hallway a few days ago and told me that I didn't need to worry, mentioning that he thought I looked worried when he handed back the first exam about a week ago.
Knowing me, probably the only reason why I even like the teacher is because he showed that side of him. He's definitely introverted, so he doesn't show much of anything. If I was to "type" him (sorry, this typing-people thing is what gets me by in boring classes) I'd say that he was an INTP.
Okay, I'm done. Nothing else interesting to say. Tons of homework to do.

College Search.

2007-09-23T15:26:00.001-04:00

BLAH.
Instead of narrowing down the schools I'm considering, I'm more like ... broadening it. I got Student's Guide to Colleges and although I'm still working on narrowing down my list- I'm reconsidering what I want in a school, and consequentially, changing my match/safety schools like every couple days. :) Keep checking the link, it'll be updated regularly.

Junior Year...

2007-09-21T19:14:00.000-04:00

... is killing me.

Burnout Prevention and Recovery

2007-09-19T22:52:00.000-04:00

Don't know if you've already seen this, but:

STOP DENYING. Listen to the wisdom of your body. Begin to freely admit the stresses and pressures which have manifested physically, mentally, or emotionally.
MIT VIEW: Work until the physical pain forces you into unconsciousness.

AVOID ISOLATION. Don't do everything alone! Develop or renew intimacies with friends and loved ones. Closeness not only brings new insights, but also is anathema to agitation and depression.
MIT VIEW: Shut your office door and lock it from the inside so no one will distract you. They're just trying to hurt your productivity.

CHANGE YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES. If your job, your relationship, a situation, or a person is dragging you under, try to alter your circumstance, or if necessary, leave.
MIT VIEW: If you feel something is dragging you down, suppress these thoughts. This is a weakness. Drink more coffee.

DIMINISH INTENSITY IN YOUR LIFE. Pinpoint those areas or aspects which summon up the most concentrated intensity and work toward alleviating that pressure.
MIT VIEW: Increase intensity. Maximum intensity = maximum productivity. If you find yourself relaxed and with your mind wandering, you are probably having a detrimental effect on the recovery rate.

STOP OVERNURTURING. If you routinely take on other people's problems and responsibilities, learn to gracefully disengage. Try to get some nurturing for yourself.
MIT VIEW: Always attempt to do everything. You ARE responsible for it all. Perhaps you haven't thoroughly read your job description.

LEARN TO SAY "NO". You'll help diminish intensity by speaking up for yourself. This means refusing additional requests or demands on your time or emotions.
MIT VIEW: Never say no to anything. It shows weakness, and lowers the research volume. Never put off until tomorrow what you can do at midnight.

BEGIN TO BACK OFF AND DETACH. Learn to delegate, not only at work, but also at home and with friends. In this case, detachment means rescuing yourself for yourself.
MIT VIEW: Delegating is a sign of weakness. If you want it done right, do it yourself (see #5).

REASSESS YOUR VALUES. Try to sort out the meaningful values from the temporary and fleeting, the essential from the nonessential. You'll conserve energy and time, and begin to feel more centered.
MIT VIEW: Stop thinking about your own problems. This is selfish. If your values change, we will make an announcement at the Corporation meeting. Until then, if someone calls you and questions your priorities, tell them that you are unable to comment on this and give them the number for Community and Government Relations. It will be taken care of.

LEARN TO PACE YOURSELF. Try to take life in moderation. You only have so much energy available. Ascertain what is wanted and needed in your life, then begin to balance work with love, pleasure, and relaxation.
MIT VIEW: A balanced life is a myth perpetuated by liberal arts schools. Don't be a fool: the only thing that matters is work and productivity.

TAKE CARE OF YOUR BODY. Don't skip meals, abuse yourself with rigid diets, disregard your need for sleep, or break the doctor appointments. Take care of yourself nutritionally.
MIT VIEW: Your body serves your mind, your mind serves the Institute. Push the mind and the body will follow. Drink Mountain Dew.

DIMINISH WORRY AND ANXIETY. Try to keep superstitious worrying to a minimum - it changes nothing. You'll have a better grip on your situation if you spend less time worrying and more time taking care of your real needs.
MIT VIEW: If you're not worrying about work, you must not be very committed to it. We'll find someone who is.

KEEP YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR. Begin to bring job and happy moments into your life. Very few people suffer burnout when they're having fun.
MIT VIEW: So, you think you work is funny? We'll discuss this with your director on Friday, at 7:00 P.M.!

source: http://web.mit.edu/wchuang/www/humor/college/MIT-views.html

All At Once.

2007-09-10T01:59:00.000-04:00

Wow. In five hours, I'll be backing out of my driveway and on my way to school. School. The dreaded word. Summer is over, I'm afraid even I have to admit it. But, school. Wow.

There so much stuff I want to change this year. It's like my first post. I'll stop procrastinating. I'l stop being a bitch in school. I'll start caring about how I dress to school. I'm going to be a good girl, getting work done an keeping a social life. And after all that dreaming, I know most of it won't happen. This year is going to be just like the others- unperfect. The truth is... I'm going to end up hanging out with the same people- the same people that irk me- the same best friend that prank-called my cell last night... I didn't even pick up, she left a message. Nothing is really going to change.

But still. I can dream. And there ARE things I can try to change. I CAN stay organized. I CAN stop my mad procrastination. I CAN prioritize. Well maybe not the last part. I'm just not sure anything's going to happen.

And it's two in the morning and... I have to get up soon so.... I guess I'll stop my mad rambling and just face the first day of school headfirst.

It's More Fun With the Adrenaline Rush

2007-09-08T13:34:00.001-04:00

I AM SUPERHUMAN AND CAN EAT CHEESE BURRITOS
under thirty seconds
while simultaneously writing an essay, and studying for a math test. During Phys Ed. And with this, I give you a slightly belated welcome to junior year!

Just kidding. Yay, it's the weekend! And we got let out early from swimming today. I reek of chlorine.

I'm watching my brother suffer away in AP World History... Ha! Thank goodness AP US History is about ten zillion times easier than AP World. The only negative is that this year they're posting test grades. Anonymously, they claim, but that still gives me a weird feeling. They've kidding us. Since the mantra of the year is: "Don't fight it-- own it" (okay I just made that up, but anyway, for now it is the mantra of the year), I am definitely going to get a 96 or above on that test. Besides, the first few chapters of this textbook are all review from fourth grade, and I took sickeningly detailed and neat notes in fourth grade (much neater than my notes now), so I'll study from those instead.

Still, I think the whole posting-the-grades idea is detrimental in such a competitive school.

Hundred.

2007-09-07T18:23:00.001-04:00

I'm still in the college search process (as you can probably see by my ever-expanding list of colleges). I just want to note that no, I do not plan on applying to all of those. I'll probably end up with a list of between ten and fifteen, but now I'm just listing every college I'm considering applying to. :)

Hell yes

2007-09-07T17:08:00.000-04:00

Funny enough. I get a 70 on a quiz and I honestly don't feel anything...I mean I guess I KNOW I should probably be feeling down or something, but somehow I just don't care about my grades!

Good revelation!

(It's my first college-level class, shush, I know you guys all went through the 2-question quiz classes, but I haven't, okay? hahahaha)

Over My Head.

2007-09-07T01:29:00.000-04:00

On the same note, I've talked to several friends about college in these past couple days (SATs are now a topic now that we are juniors) and some friends with 3.5-ish GPAs in honors (not ap) classes are planning on applying to all the ivies and they mock me for my preoccupation with hard classes/activities. I've just been on CC and understand how hard it is to get into college.

But then I look into my school.. and realize that around 5% of each class at my school ends up at an ivy, stanford, or MIT. That's a HUGE number, considering very few people in my school seem so amazing. I mean there are the sparkles in each grade- but nobody is truly spectacular the way CC expects people to be. But yet, they still got into amazing schools. I don't understand why that is. Now I'm afraid it's reverse affirmative action and well... I'm asian.

But still, 5% of my class (300) is 15 students. I feel somewhat confident that I'm within the top 15 students academically and EC-wise. Does that mean I have a really good shot? Not by CC standards. I'm so confused.

btw. all my post titles are song titles by The Fray :)

So You Want to be a Cool Kid, Huh?

2007-09-06T22:58:00.001-04:00

My school has this "research" class, which is... a class that pretty much attracts the top 50 students (top ~9%) in my class. In the past, it has been a tacit sort of thing, but today the teacher announced straight out, for everybody in that stuffed classroom to hear: "research is one tried-and-true way gain an "edge" in the (horrendous) game of college admissions."

Everybody in the room glanced around, and leaned forward.

(God forgive me for thinking this way.)

I looked around the class, and hated what and who I saw. There were all the near-mute kids that had no life, the sorta-dilligent ones that had lives but no real academic strength, the ones that could only see Harvard-Yale-Princeton in everything. Of course they all asked me if I did research over the summer, and if I had a mentor now.

Judge me; feel free. Because the freer you feel, the freer you'll let me be.

Why can't we learn to have fun in learning?

2007-09-06T21:20:00.000-04:00

That's something missing in our school curriculum. I see so many people going around and doing things they honestly couldn't care any less about because it looks good for college...

(on a positive note: my humanities teachers are all so good-humored! And my math teacher is gonna start an ultimate frisbee club, so I am pretty effing excited for that, hahaha!)

Physics is starting to grow on me, and it's only the second day. The teacher is as boring as peanut butter and jelly, but the subject's pretty fun and I'm sitting across from a fairly smart hot guy, behind a cute but really smart guy (so much the better for me on a test days, haha), and in front of a really nice korean girl that happens to be the only girl that I can conveniently talk to in that class...

But I don't mean to involve you with my fascinating seating arrangements.

In any case, I really wonder a lot if it's possible to enjoy yourself and still get into college. I don't just mean Brown; it's too late to do anything special for that. But I really wish I just had something, ANYTHING that would give me that stupid little quirky uniqueness so I won't have to balance all these other pretty fun but time-consuming other things. And I wouldn't have to worry about grades so much.

Why wasn't I born in Sri Lanka? Why am I not part-Cherokee? Why didn't I use all that sleeping and procrastinating time in 9th grade to start a business? Why didn't I practice violin in middle school so I wouldn't have to worry so much now? How come I didn't think to start a charity for disadvantaged students in China until now, when it's too late? Why have I not been involved in orthopedic surgeries yet?

WHY DO *I* HAVE TO BE THE EFFING GUINEA PIG?

But I will digress. (the fact that I'm regretting all of this just means that I will be reprimanding my brother in due time. A vicarious life is a pretty fair replacement, I think) My 1st and last periods so far seem to be pretty much free periods of learning. That's fun, really, writing french poetry to start your day and ending it with exploded eardrums from the horrific cacophony that our orchestra will inevitably be!

Uh, When I Play Doctor, I Play To Win.

2007-09-05T22:22:00.001-04:00

And I'm on my way to being a future Just-Another-Asian-Premed!

I'm kidding. I honestly don't want to be a premed, or a doctor at all. I've considered being a pediatrician, since kids rule (not really, but kids > grouchy adults any day). And I've also read the Merck Manual about three times over-- I got a copy when I was in fifth grade. But I think ... if I really want to enjoy what I do, I'm still better off doing something else. I'm not sure what, but it isn't being a doctor-- maybe a professor... a professor that does research. Being inspirational appeals to me; I'd enjoy that, feel good about myself. Then again, life isn't really about enjoying it, especially when you want to live up to that Asian-Household-Honor crap... but... hey hey, it's my life.

Anyway, the first day was ... just another first day: we filled out book cards, got a load of textbooks, went around in a circle and said, "Hi, my name is X, and I like Y." My English teacher talks like her mouth is full of glue or something. I hate it, because I always think that if somebody speaks slowly, they're automatically less intelligent. She droned on about the syllabus, how AP English Language wasn't "insanely difficult, but definitely different than simply the honors class." It was about as fun as doing twenty hundreds on two minutes.

Which reminds me, time trials are tomorrow. Sucks, since I started off the season in the "slow people" lane (I was sick before), and I know once they find out my time I'll be moved up, and therefore have a harder workout every day, and consequently die... But slowing myself down on purpose for the sake of wriggling out of that tougher workout is out of the question. I wonder if my time went up from last year.

OK, it's the first day

2007-09-05T22:19:00.001-04:00

My physics teacher thinks I'm stupid. That's great, considering how I need her high opinion of me to alternate her everyday lab...

Heaven Forbid.

2007-09-03T21:23:00.000-04:00

I was talking to my mother the other day, about college I mean. It's long been clear in my family how things work. Even though my parents claim they're not "asian" and don't pressure me into doing anything or even into vying for college, they do- just in a much more roundabout way. It's obvious that my mom dreams of me going to Princeton because it's close, my dad dreams of me going to Stanford, his alma matter. My mom always talked about how her friends' children generally go to NYU or UChicago and my dad's friends' go to Stanford or UPenn, how I should stand to give my parents face. This was the first time my mom admitted that (gasp!) I might not end up going to Princeton, but that she sees me going to MIT (haha, so typical).
I was just telling Cecilia about how I'm not sure what college is IT for me. For the longest time, I always thought Princeton was the perfect choice (yeah, I even have an orange sweatshirt). I mean, it's an amazing college with a great ORFE department, has an absolutely breathtaking campus, and well.. is preppy. But, chances are, I'm not going to get in. If admissions were completely random, I'd stand about 10% chance. This year I'm going to take a step back and take a look at everything from a slightly bigger picture. I'm a junior. I don't know exactly what I want in a college yet, and I hardly know what a college would want from me. I'm going to pursue everything I had planned on going for, but at the same time open my view as to which colleges I'm applying to (watch my list grow and shrink with time) and as to what I'll be majoring in.
Yes, that's right. I'm not even sure I'm going to major in Mathematics-Economics or Operations Research anymore or to what I want to be. Business would be fun, but so would be Law, or even biophysics research (though after visiting Haas Automation, I'm not so sure about working in that field).

I start college visits soon. I think my first "real" (Princeton and Caltech were just pretend.) visit will be to Cornell (and maybe URochester), probably October 6-8.

PS. I was over at a friend's house last night, and I found a copy of Fiske's Guide to Colleges in her room. At least I'm not the only one.

Quotables

2007-09-02T14:17:00.000-04:00

"Have fun with your swimming team... Gosh, I feel so sorry for you... hehe I'm glad that my college application doesn't depend on how fast I can swim!"

-relative in Europe via e-mail

"Academics have no free time. Nearly every moment not spent working is a moment spent in anxiety about not working. The distinction between work and free time is meaningless in the minds of most academics I know. Which means that, when their work is not going well, you're faced with an anxiety-ridden, depressed person who feels like a failure. When work is going swimmingly, you never see them."
-Admissions Confidential

"Rachel, for an Asian, has many friends..."
-Teacher recommendation

"There is even a psychological malady known as The Yale Syndrome, a sort of obsession with college admission that creates an unusually proximate time horizon for a young person, the moment of college admission. Students who suffer from this affliction do not develop a plan for success in college, or in any aspect of their lives, beyond the arrival of that "fat envelope" detailing their acceptance. Oddly, they share many of the same concepts of time as terminally ill cancer patients. "
-Is the Ivy League "Worth It"?

"If you think you know what parental pressure is, and you're not Asian, you are wrong."
-Bitter Asian Men: The Asian Parent Syndrome

[edit: last quote removed]

Can I write that in my college app?

2007-09-02T13:57:00.001-04:00

Since my rountine morning paroxysm (translation: groggily but accurately snapping my permanently blue hand at the alarm clock) and the same, routine recession back into the layers of unwashed cotton my bed has essentially become (as in, it's 12:00, I fell asleep at 4, and damnit, leave me alone!), I have accomplished two things: procrastination (another rather routine habit), and cold-toweling my swollen wrist while simultaneously boiling dumplings for lunch.

So after fourteen hundred or so calories of beautifully healthy processed flour wrapped around a bit of processed mystery meat (that is NOT chicken, no matter what the label may indicate otherwise), I proceed to stumble down the stairs with a cup of water and Soffee shorts (yes, I wear them to sleep, shush), having successfully numbed the ever-persisting pain in my wrist to a dull ache.

The computer turns on:

3 Microsoft Word Applications (may I note that the titles are "college", "essay topics", and "ec activities")
1 Inbox: Microsoft Outlook (I check this as often as I compulsively check CC)
And of course, my dear dynamic duo (plus me, I suppose) of Yale-Syndrome, piano-playing, asian sensations ;] of AOL Instant Messenger

Oh, and I suppose facebook counts, right?

Everything Counts

2007-09-02T12:01:00.000-04:00

The only way to live is to live a productive being. And I guess that's a horrible thing to say, because that could suggest that you're acting-- without thinking-- but at this point my brain is so wracked with obsessive thoughts on school that I prefer the minimal thinking and productivity combo to the introspective, thoughtful (read: emo), atrociously sloth-like state. AT LEAST YOU GET THINGS DONE.

Getting things done, in my severely limited point of view, means a completely crossed out to-do list. A lengthy one, preferably (see beautiful photo on right). Revel in your productivity, feel semi-accomplished. Temporarily, of course, because I'm masochistic like that. This year I plan on making a minimum of three to-do lists a week, and finishing all of them. I plan that my sources of entertainment will lie in: this blog, writing book reviews, organizing and finalizing my photography, and the "compare people" application on Facebook.

I plan on having a mental breakdown about, oh, say once every month and a half. I plan.

And you question why I even plan on keeping my Facebook. Well, first of all, Facebook completely dilutes the definition of "friends," and it comforts me a bit; sort of covers the fact that in that hypercompetitive school of mine, I HAVE NONE despite what Facebook claims (--that I have approximately 305 friends at my school). It also leaves me with a bit of space to continue my pursit in the lucrative career of self-portrayal and narcissism. And my "legit" excuse? Because I was randomly made captain of my town's fundraiser walk and I've organized it through Facebook. Hey, it's a slight bonus for the college application, is it not?

To sum it up: This year will be the year when my Myers-Briggs J/P turns into a 100% Judging type.

Hello, I Guess.

2007-09-02T06:17:00.001-04:00

So, jetlag has made me unable to sleep, and inspired by Elliott, I decided to lazy my way out of actually coding a layout for this blog, and just use BLOGGER! I mean, how easy, no having to worry about the layout or archiving, and it's all set up for you.

Anyway, I guess this will be the place for us to discuss our daily lives as rising juniors in high school and see just how similar (or different!) our lives are.

Well. As for me. I've just come back from Summer Science Program and then a family trip from China back to smalltown, New Jersey(I'll devote a post to my summer later), and I'm most definately not ready to start school. Already caught up with summer homework and haven't yet been to tennis preseason, my mind's already on the school year ahead: hell.
Junior year is known to be one of the toughest (hey, you get to slack a little second semester senior year) years of high school and I kinda want to get decent grades and still get to do what I want (just because Gilmore Girls is over doesn't mean I don't have TV to watch). That means I have to work on my "time management" skills (stop spending hours upon hours on AIM) and start to focus my energies on things that matter more. This year I'm really going to do it (and I mean it- I think). I'm going to limit myself to two hours of socializing on school nights- an hour on aim and an hour on the phone, and am going to try to go to sleep by 1 am each morning, giving me at least 5 and a half hours of sleep- more than last year.
Since all activities are during lunch this year, let's say I get home at 6 from tennis. I'll shower until 6:30, practice piano until 7:30, and eat until 8. Then I'll do homework for an hour, practice piano for half an hour, and then do homework for another half and hour. At 10, I'll start my "fun time"- AIM, phone, and TV(DVR) for two hours. At midnight, I'll finish my homework, and start the day anew. I think that'll work.
That leaves Friday and Saturday nights for going out, and Sundays for spare homework, EPGY work, studying for the SATs, my self-studies, and... well catching up on sleep.

Yes, so Emma's back to planning, planning, planning. I've already gotten this week's schedule down. You can just ask Cecilia. And I'm working on planning my college visits, and all this at 6 in the morning without sleep. What am I coming to? Maybe Gabbi was right and I should stop planning everything and just let things be. Maybe. Maybe I'll just stay my obsessive self. :)
I guess it's time for me to try to get some sleep as alas, today is Sunday, day for writing letters, doing biology summer homework, playing tennis, and going over Adrienne's. Toodles.